GENGHIS KHAN! Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, two hours ago totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.Ībraham Lincoln: Fourscore and. Ted: Please welcome the very excellent barbarian. Just got a minor oedipal complex.īill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269. And hence, his aggression transference onto Ted. He was the teacher of Plato, who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle, and like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly accused of corruption of the young.įreud: And so, Ted's father's own fear of failure has caused him to make his son the embodiment of all his deepest anxieties about himself. Ted: He is sometimes known as the father of modern thought. Ted: Our first guest speaker comes from the year 400 BC, a time when most of the world looked like the cover of the Led Zeppelin album, Houses of the Holy. Socrates: Geek! Sigmund Freud: What is a geek? Abraham Lincoln.īilly the Kid: Way to go, egghead. Ted: Miss Preston, we'd like you to meet some of our.friends. Ted: Okay, if you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of? Future Bill and Future Ted: SIXTY-NINE, DUDE!!! Ted: Iron Maiden? Bill and Ted: Excellent! Henry VII: Execute them! Bill and Ted: Bogus! Perhaps we can ask them.īill: "The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing." Ted: That's us, dude! Bill: Oh, yeah!īill: How's it going, royal ugly dudes? I am the Earl of Preston! Ted: And I am the Duke of Ted! Henry VII: Put them in the iron maiden.
Do you know when the Mongols ruled China? Rufus: Well. A woman enters convenience store Ted: Excuse me? When did the Mongols rule China? Woman: I don't know, I just work here. Bill: It's not just a water sport, I knew it.
Outside the Circle K Ted: OK, the lady in that car over there said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275. Bill: Shut up, Ted! Ted: Remember when I asked her to the prom? Bill: SHUT UP, TED! Ted: Oh, wait! Remember Disney World? Hall of Presidents? Bill: Yeah, good, what did he say? Ted. Ted: You ever made a mushroom out of his head? Bill: Ted. Ted: Two: Born on Presidents' Day! Bill: Three: The dollar bill guy. Bill: Where? Ted: Alaska.īill: OK, Ted: George Washington. Bill: Why? Ted: My dad's sending me to military school. Ted: Dude, we gotta pass otherwise, there's no more band. Captain Logan: I spoke to Colonel Oates this morning. You know what that would mean, don't you, Ted? Ted: That I would have to go to Oates Military Academy. Ted: Me and Bill- Captain Logan: He also said that if you fail history, you flunk out of school. Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen? Bill: Shut up, Ted!Ĭaptain Logan: I spoke to your principal today, Ted. Ryan: Who was Joan of Arc? Ted: Noah's wife?
Ted: Well, how can we have decent instruments if we don't really even know how to play? Bill: That is why we need Eddie Van Halen! Ted: And that is why we need a triumphant video! Both: EXCELLENT! Bill: Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video before we have decent instruments. I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen before we have a triumphant video. I'm a professional.ĭialogue Bill: Ted, while I agree that, in time, our band will be most triumphant, the truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super-band until we get Eddie Van Halen on guitar. Ah, but don't worry: it'll all make sense. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. You see, seven hundred years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. I'm telling you, this place is great, but it almost wasn't. Mini-golf scores are way down, and we have more excellent water slides than any other planet we communicate with. Even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California - 2688. For example ] can be used on a page, like this: meatball:WikiPedia. However, non-local interwiki pages can still be accessed by interwiki linking or by entering them in the search box. All interlanguage prefixes are marked as local, and thus URLs such as will work as expected. For example, the URL can be used to load meta:Main_page. Certain interwiki prefixes are marked as local in the table. For example, the URL will give this error, because the "meatball:" interwiki prefix is not marked as local in the interwiki table. an attempt to load a URL pointing to a "non-local" interwiki page (usually those not run by the Wikimedia Foundation).an attempt to load a URL such as | (the | character is unsupported).You may be able to locate the desired page by searching for its name (with the interwiki prefix, if any) in the search box. It may be empty, contain unsupported characters, or include a non-local or incorrectly linked interwiki prefix.